Buffy Summers + you didn’t even try at all
this is weirdly incomplete feeling without the “experimenting with shortness” scene
this this this! In so many ways S3 was the inverse of S2; where S2 showed us John’s journey towards accepting his love for Sherlock, S3 showed us Sherlock making his emotional journey to recognizing his love for John. By the end of S2 we were desperate for Sherlock to open his eyes and see what he’d done to John to realize how he’d hurt him, and at the end of S3 we are desperate for John to open his eyes to what he’s done to Sherlock, to see how he’s hurt him; despite all this in the end its just the same. We just want John to see and to OBSERVE. To see that Sherlock jumped to protect him, that he shot CAM for him, whatever. It’s all the same in the end.
I just want John to realize how much Sherlock is willing to protect him and lose everything to keep him safe.
I just want John to realize that Sherlock isn’t this sociopath who has no feelings for anybody or anything and isn’t cold hearted.
I just want John to see.
She has completely turned my life around, changed everything.
But for the record, over the last few years, there are two people
who've done that and the other one is...
a complete dickhead!
I have to give John credit here. For someone who really hates talking about his feelings, I think this is singularly a brave act.
John would rather Sherlock just understood what he feels without having to talk about it. (Surely that’s an advantage of Sherlock being the most observant man in the world. You’d think.) John thought the best man thing would be obvious, but it wasn’t. When he asked Sherlock to be his best man, he was immediately pushed towards actually articulating how he feels about Sherlock, and he wasn’t ready to do that. He was gearing up to, and then got stopped short.
As we see constantly with John, there’s a level he finds easier to say out loud (“of course you’re my best friend!”) and a level he struggles to express. He’s obviously aware of whatever it is, he just struggles to say it. Like his inability to say to his therapist the obvious “I loved him,” he can cop to “he was my best friend,” but he can’t form anything else into words, even while admitting that there is something else.
What did John think Sherlock already understood when he asked him to be his best man? What was he hesitating to say out loud, if “best friend” wasn’t it? Probably something along these lines: I’m marrying Mary, but you are my (I hate this term, but) soulmate.
When John says the easy part out loud (“Of course you’re my best friend,”) Sherlock reacts as if that’s the most shocking revelation ever. But John doesn’t seem to recognize that. It looks as though he assumes Sherlock is just processing the task.
It bothered me that John didn’t stop to consider what Sherlock’s meltdown might possibly mean at the time. So, as I say, I’ve got to give John credit here, because he’s trying to reopen this conversation and make sure Sherlock understands how John feels about him.
He told Sherlock that he considers him his best friend (obviously), but here he’s trying to tell Sherlock that’s there’s more to it than that, something he finds difficult to express. How do we know that? He avoids making eye contact long enough for Sherlock to make a getaway.
And what does he say?
Mary is important to him, so important that he’s marrying her, but she’s not the only one who’s playing that kind of role in his life. He’s trying to say that things aren’t going to change between them if John has anything to do with it. Mary can’t replace Sherlock. He’s trying to be reassuring, which suggests that he has some glimmer of understanding of what Sherlock’s meltdown and panicked napkin-folding might mean. But it really is only a glimmer.
John is in love with both Mary and Sherlock. He imagines he’s going to have a normal (romantic) life with one of them, and an abnormal (whatever this is) relationship with the other, but he can’t say he loves one of them more than the other. And he can’t say that one of them is more important to him than the other. That’s all he’s trying to say here, right?
But he can’t get the whole thought out. He only got as far as Mary is important to me, and Sherlock runs off. Ostensibly because he’s on a case and something got his attention. But I’d say he most likely runs off because he can’t bear to hear John say what he thinks John’s going to say. I’ve chosen Mary over you. He knows that already. He’s running away from it, from John, from his feelings. He’d probably have been folding napkins again if he could have. He’s terrified.
But props to John for trying. It’s nice to see him try to take care of Sherlock on an emotional level. I wish Sherlock had stuck around and listened to what John actually said. It’s not every day that John manages to turn his feelings into words, after all.
when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains,
however improbable, must be the truth
Inspired by the many cuddles in A Love With No Name by aceofhearts61.
My hope for the show considering the developments of S3 is that someday these two can recognize what they already are - life partners, and then understand - however quietly they want - that it’s grown to be a romantic partnership. And that they don’t need sex for this to be true. And then from there, they do whatever best suits them as the exceptional individuals that they are.
Thank you so much to Ladunya for this brilliant picture of Sherlock posing as Lee in chapter one of Midnight Blue Serenity! The image isn’t on her DA gallery that I can see, but do check out her AMAZING work. It’s simply stunning!
Midnight Blue Serenity: “This was like nothing John had ever thought to associate with Sherlock: stubble, skin-tight jeans and three small silver rings gleaming at the crest of one ear. It was unbelievable, like stepping into an alternative universe, and John couldn’t stop staring.”
I’m reading this story now (it’s fantastic, check it out) and I immediately recognized this picture as being from it even before scrolling down to the caption. This is perfection!!
♡♡♡ John coming off of anesthesia from a minor operation and is totally loopy and can’t remember who Sherlock is, and he just goes into full throttle Captain J. Watson flirt mode and Sherlock is blushing and stammering and could never have believed John capable of saying those things to him otherwise cause he needs to hear everything said explicitly ♡♡♡
John wakes slowly, blearily. He blinks his eyes a few times against the hard light of the recovery room. “Hospital” vaguely registers in his psyche. But he’s not in pain and, overall, feels pretty damn good actually, so he doesn’t worry over it.
He looks to his right to see a man, smartly dressed, all messy/perfect hair and cheekbones, staring at smart phone and sighing heavily.
The man looks at John and he says something like “finally, you’re awake” but all John can focus on is the smile that lights up his blue/grey/amber eyes.
John tries to talk but coughs instead, his mouth dry as a desert.
The man quickly pours John a cup of water from a pitcher, tucks in a straw, and holds it up for John to drink from. John puts his hand over the other man’s as he drinks, holds it in place. It’s warm and when John strokes his fingers in between the long fingers of the other man he thinks he feels them tremble under his.
"Are you alright?" the man asks John.
John finishes his long drink and licks his lips. Smiles.
"Better now that you’re here."
"Where else would I be? Certainly your sister wasn’t going to be the one to get you afterwards. Hope they got that bullet fragment properly this time. Don’t want to sit through this again. Sooooo boring"
The man let his head fall back dramatically, exposing a beautiful long, pale, smooth throat.
"You’re not boring."
"Yes…umm, you’ve mentioned that before."
"I could look at you all day, gorgeous"
The gorgeous man in questions blinks wide eyes at John, then seems to shake it off and narrow his eyes.
"You were sedated, John. You are still feeling the effects. I’ll umm, get the nurse, shall I?"
"Oh, don’t go yet. Stay, okay?"
John grabbed the man’s hand and wove their fingers together. They fit…perfectly.
"What’s your name" John says, deliberately deeper.
The pitch change was not lost on the man who has not removed his hand from John’s grasp.
"Sher-" the man squeaked. Cleared his throat.
"Sherlock. I’m your flatmate."
"Is that what we’re calling it?" says John with a wink and a stage whisper.
He tugged Sherlock onto the edge of the bed. Just close enough to lift a heavy, heavy hand through the drug-laden haze and touch that amazing, sculpted face. Sherlock responds with a quick intake of breath. He closes his eyes and leans into it, just a bit, just enough for John to know, even through the haze, that the other man is holding back.
"Lucky" John mutters.
"Yes, I am…"
"No, I mean, I’m lucky. Look at you! Gorgeous! And clever too I bet. I can tell."
"John I think…"
"God your mouth" John sighs, strokes over Sherlock’s lips with his thumb.
"Perfect. Perfect Sherlock"
John shifts his hand from the man’s cheek to the back of his neck, tugs him closer. Sherlock allows himself to be drawn in.
Just centimeters apart, then millimeters, then just barely touching.
"I bet those lips can are clever too. What can you do with those lips Sherrrrrlock?"
Sherlock straightens up immediately, leaving John dazed and pouting.
"I’m getting you a nurse. You…you stay here" Sherlock rips the curtain aside and then back into place.
John sighs heavily and shrugs to himself.
He picks up the cup and takes a few more sips of water.
A minute later that deep velvet voice is back again, tall silhouette visible with that of another man on the other side of the curtain.
"What did the anesthesiologist give this patient? He is clearly completely out of his mind, talking nonsense. I need him functioning to get him home safely" said the flustered baritone.
The younger male voice flips through a chart. “Oh, just the usual. You might be getting a bit of short-term amnesia mixed in with a truth-serum effect. It’s a bit like having all your worries and inhibitions washed away for a bit. It will slowly wear off.”
"Truth serum?" Sherlock asks.
"Yeah, it may be out of character, but it’s all him. Hey, you okay? Did he say something upsetting?"
"No. No, I’m fine. I’ll just…"
Sherlock appeared back through the curtain a minute later.
He looked hesitant and fragile. John didn’t like seeing him look like that. He held his hand out.
The gorgeous man then steeled himself and resumed his spot back on John’s bedside. Their hands found their way into one another. John became a bit mesmerized by the point of contact between the two. He smiled. He brought their joined hands up to his mouth and placed an ungraceful kiss on the Sherlock’s knuckles.
"John" Sherlock said, then swallowed hard.
"John, what would you say if I told you that I loved you and have for a very long time?" Sherlock kept his eyes downcast, he gripped John’s hand like his life depended on it.
"Hey, it’s okay. Don’t look like that, okay? I’d say I was the luckiest man in the world."
Through the haze and the tugging need for sleep, John tried to nod resolutely and hope it worked. He had the nagging feeling in the back of his brain that this was very important. He felt like part of his chest that was wrapped up tight for a long time unfurled when Sherlock asked him that.
Sherlock exhaled hard as if he had been holding his breath. He took a few more deep breaths. He then brought John’s hand to his and kissed it. It was soft and made John feel like he was something precious. Sherlock’s amazing eyes looked even more beautiful when they were a little wet like that.
John felt very happy and very tired. He felt he traveled a long distance and finally reached his destination when he had just been lying in bed.
"Love, I’m going to take a nap. Will you stay?"
"Of course" replied Sherlock. He didn’t sound nervous anymore.
John closed his eyes and felt long fingers comb through his hair.
He smiled and laughed as he drifted off to sleep.
"I’ll be right here waiting, love" he heard, a whisper, as he started to dream.